Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
