I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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