i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
