is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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