I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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