she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
