i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
