There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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