question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
