Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
