Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
