He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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