Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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