these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
