I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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