dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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