Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
