Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
