it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
