Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
