I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
