Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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