There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He felt like a one man threesome
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
