Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
