I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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