i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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