You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
