dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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