upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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