i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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