Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
