Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
