We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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