watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
