please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
