This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
