I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you never un-have a 4some
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
