DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
