I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
