i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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