There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
