Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
