I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
