Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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