it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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