He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
