she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
