As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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