At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
