that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I puked a lego.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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