I met the friendliest cop last night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
