Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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