Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
