just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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