I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
