oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
