it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
