I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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