it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
