i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
