Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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