Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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