You're completely useless in the revolution.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
