I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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