allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
