Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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